We Must Age While They Grow!

By Toyin Falola

As the sailor of time paddles away

The soft and heavy breeze from the running tides

The whistling of the deep

And the splashes of the bow’s piecing of the sea

Unwinding the past from their echoes.

My gentle wrinkles

And the grey hair transformed into scalps

Tell gentle stories of aspirations

Scholarship, compassion, disappointments

Accomplishments and a free, unbroken circle of life.

As we journey through the circle

And our boats cruise the tides

We hold the hands of the little

Through our stories of the past

To see the sight ahead from our lantern.

We must age while they grow

That the circle should not break

That the chorus of our victories retort

That our faces may see intimate joy

And our compassions renewed.

I held Dolapo, Bisola, and Toyin’s hands

While they leapt in unqualified gladness

With inquisitions so unimaginable and unending

And laughs, bright and electrifying

As we created memories that never fade.

In Sade, Ola, Tunde, and Funmi’s restive joys

I saw life circle recreating itself

Drawing back to the old days of climbing mango trees

And the night folktales and playground under the full moon

They were our CocoMelon and Paw Patrol.

We watched Bisola grow

Fluttering her wings to fly through the complexity of the world

While we guided her through the hurdles

Telling her to hold all victories to heart and not to pride

We aged while we watched her grow.

We would call Dolapo to “The Study.”

For corrections, motivation, and refocusing

We saw his spirit lifted

His resilience and strength became a forging force

And we aged while he grew.

We have seen Toyin’s resoluteness, passion, and convictions

With satisfying amazement

We have witnessed her excellent muse

Pushing her to the echelons of success

We have aged while she grew.

As our sailors paddle by

Through the breeze from the current wrinkles of our skin

We have transformed into a continuum

But beholders of the good ideals we passed

As we age while they grow.

From time immemorial, the roots of society have been built on the strength and bonds of family, serving as the first ideological bloc for every human and the foundation on which values are built. As such, the family teaches us about life and its expectations. Often, true comfort in life is not in the victories, the achievements and the positivity it throws at one. Otherwise, one would feel hopeless and struggle when their opposites plague one’s way. However, joy comes from the embrace of family, the assurance of comfort, and even the attendant drama. Family injects the nodes of meaning into life itself.

Life is a circle, with change as a constant variable that carries us through insights, experiences, and even turmoil. As we age, the passage of time becomes more apparent, and we begin to accept what we have and have not. However, the glancing of the young ones growing within the folds of family shows that life is a continuum of the journey we embarked on, though their routes and destinations may differ.

The wrinkles on our skin and the folds of our cheeks come with an immense understanding of life’s complexities and loads of wisdom born from the lessons experience has written on our slates. As the young grow, we codify these experiences and knowledge into manuals so that when they return from the playgrounds, they sit at our feet to learn as pupils of the family. We warn them blazingly of the emptiness of otiose aspirations, the nothingness of distraction, the wickedness of selfishness, the art and act of comradeship, and the beauty of having a good heart. We pass on the lessons life has taught us so that they will not have to journey far to learn them.

The beauty of ageing lies in the opportunity to watch others grow–the transition from infancy to childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, as well as the maturity that comes with chapters of accomplishments and milestones. Ageing reenacts reverberating memories of the potentials of life itself and the transformative realities embedded in it. The beauty of ageing is found in watching as the energies of the young turn to inspiration and in their gradual strides as they walk the path of life itself.

Our children, grandchildren, wards, and all those within our circle of influence are the beholders of these legacies. Through the wisdom we impart and the authority we wield, we imprint these legacies in them. I am always gladdened at the sight of my grandchildren–Olamide, Olatunde, Sade, and Funmilayo–who take my mind off the worries of life and lift my spirit with the soothing sound of their endless questions, fun, and lively engagements. I cherish holding their little hands as I guide them to understand the treasured heritage of Africa, the dignity of being human, and the foundation for the future.

The legacy of ageing transcends wealth, accomplishments, or all the accolades accumulated through life’s journey. It is rooted in love and the nurtured confidence of the growing ones. If we do not age, they might not grow, for ageing comes with the fortification and strength we must pass on to them.

PS: This piece was written at midnight on July 4, 2024, while visiting Dolapo, his wife Corrina, and our two grandkids, Olamide and Olatunde.